I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
