now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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