Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
