Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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