I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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