You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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