I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
