bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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