the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
