4 words: hood of his car
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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