if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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