just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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