So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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