I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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