I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
