tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
