I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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