its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
