Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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