He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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