i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
