Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
