I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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