she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
