i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
foreskin is a definite game changer
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
