erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
