It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
