accomplished twins. life is a go
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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