And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
