I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
