I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Randomize
