I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
