And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
