Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
