your room smells of hookers.
And success
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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