Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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