It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize