i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
