He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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