were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
