just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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