I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
