My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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