Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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