Apparently you make a good broom.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
