Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
