I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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