I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
