If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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