PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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