Im at strip club and am horny
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
