he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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